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cyanoscarletWord count: 4,396
Benedikta Harman off-camera was an entirely different woman.
To those who only know of her from the movies and series she starred in, she was the ideal actress whose performances drove ratings and reviews through the roof. On set she was versatile and captivating, during interviews she was candid and professional. She was also known for having a well-guarded private life; it was perhaps for this reason that she sometimes came off as aloof to the people around her, but no one could fault her for it.
In truth, Benna, as she went by to those close to her, was a shy, awkward bean.
-
Jella was one of two baristas assigned to the cafe’s sunrise shift. There wasn’t really much to do in general except prepare for the morning rush an hour from opening, plus deal with the occasional extra-early customers. She used to hate her shift assignment to death, until the day she met her fateful first crush since high school.
She was probably in her mid-twenties, of medium height and probably a svelte figure underneath her windbreaker and jogger pants. She wore her blond hair in a stylish bob cut; a shame she always wore a cap over it. Her brown eyes were the most beautiful pair Jella has ever seen; sometimes she wore glasses over them, especially during windy days and pollen season. She always wore a white surgical mask, but Jella caught the occasional moments when she’d take it down to sip her drink.
She’d always order the same thing: a small flat white and a peppermint chocolate chip cookie to-go, and she was called Benna.
Since then, Jella would report for work with small barrettes in her hair and an extra spring in her step. Her outlook in life was said to have changed so drastically for the better, she was awarded employee of the month for it. Most of all, the morning customers loved her so much they dubbed her “The Maiden”, earning her a status akin to that of a minor local celebrity.
Today, Jella came in early as usual, albeit a little deflated for a while now. It was raining hard that day, and they had to flood-proof the cafe in addition to the usual morning prep work. Benna hadn’t dropped by in over a week now; the absence made Jella’s heart fonder and fonder for her life’s inspiration, as if she were nothing without it. It was an exaggeration and she knew it, but such was her love for her Benna she’d justify it all the same.
No sooner after those thoughts had crossed her mind than a well-dressed lady soaked to her skin burst through the doors of the cafe, shivering in her dress and heels as it were. Jella put aside her idle thoughts and immediately attended to the customer in need, quickly ushering her to a nearby seat and covering her with a thick towel. Her coworker came over with a basin of warm water to soak her feet in. As they assisted the lady, Jella couldn’t help but wonder where she’d met her before—maybe just a previous customer, but she got a feeling it was way, way more than that.
“Thank you, Jella,” the lady thanked her in between shallow breaths. “I’m so relieved you’re open early as usual today. I wouldn’t know what I would have done if you weren’t.”
“Oh, it’s nothing, Ma’am,” Jella beamed. “Glad to help anytime.”
It was when the lady looked up to meet her eyes that Jella recognized who exactly she was speaking with. She herself had known of her for years—everyone did. She was on TV, movies, and almost every billboard in town. Her coworker smothered a shriek with her free hand. Jella’s lower lip trembled visibly and her voice shook. “B-B-Bene—“
Benedikta Harman wordlessly put a finger up to shush them, her eyes darting around the cafe and outside it. When she was certain that no one else was around, she let out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you,” she repeated, her voice softer and more uncertain than Jella had ever heard her speak in public. “Only Benna, please.”
This time it was Jella who couldn’t suppress her shriek—more out of delight than out of disbelief this time. “Ohmygosh, you’re Benna? Small, flat white and peppermint choco chip cookie to go?”
Benna’s ears turned red at the full recitation of her usual order, but she nodded nonetheless. “I’m glad you remembered.” Her eyes crinkled ever so slightly when she smiled, and Jella fell a little more in love. “But I think I’ll have a cup of tea for today instead, to stave off the cold. What would you recommend, Jella?”
Jella beamed at once, and launched into the most memorable conversation she had in her entire life.
-
“You’ve been sniffing your fingers for a while now, Benna. Care to share?”
Benna looked up at Garuda, biting back a frown. Her manager had just finished mopping under the kitchen counter, and was currently squeezing out the dirty liquid from it into the receptacle. The whole flat smelled like the coffee that had been spilled earlier; luckily, it had no creamer or sugar in it yet.
To say that she was rightfully upset at the blunder she made was an understatement; just her luck that she’d pressed the wrong button on her new capsule coffee machine and the resulting brew had overflowed from the small cup she’d put underneath it. She hoped the machine wasn’t broken; Jella would be sad otherwise.
For now, Benna took comfort in sniffing the peppermint chocolate chip flavor off her fingertips; she’d taken the liberty to order an entire box on her next visit to the cafe after being outed as Benedikta, the actress. Thankfully neither Jella nor her partner had brought up that fact ever again, treating her the same as before, although she might have imagined the lilt in Jella’s voice whenever she called her name for her order. Nah, that can’t be.
“Benna!” Garuda called out again, her pointed finger tapping impatiently on the counter. Benna yelped in surprise, which only earned an unimpressed frown from Garuda. “If you’re not gonna help out, at least come wash your hands. The way you’ve been smelling your fingers honestly creeps me out.”
Well, there went her small comfort for the day. Benna grumpily stood up and headed towards the sink, lathering a handful of rose-scented liquid soap over her hands. When she was done, no trace of the cookie’s scent remained. Benna pouted her lips at Garuda, who hummed in approval as she put the mop away in the shed.
Half an hour later, they sat in the living room watching television, Garuda idly flipping through the channels. Today was one of Benna’s rare days off from her seemingly unending stream of celebrity engagements; just their luck it was raining again and they couldn’t go out. At least she was able to sleep in for the first time in a while.
Garuda seemed to have stopped at a channel; it was currently playing a commercial, but the title of the show on the upper right of the screen caught her friend’s attention. “Hey, Benna, Oppen Heimer’s on Cinema Beta right now.”
That caught Benna’s attention at once; Oppen Heimer was one of the movies she’d written an analysis of back in film appreciation class in college. Its overall themes had made a deep impression on her, back when she was finding herself as a rookie actress. To say that she owed a huge part of her acting and character development now to this film was probably accurate to say the least. Benna smiled at the memory; she’d spoken of it in a couple of interviews when they’d ask her about her theatrical inspirations, and those had sparked among the readers a short-lived interest in the film itself.
“Oh, it’s back on.” Garuda put down the remote; she didn’t really care for dark works in general, but she knew how much her friend loved Oppen Heimer. “You good, Benna?”
“Mm-hmm,” Benna hummed, absorbing herself in the movie now. She was really thankful for her day off now more than ever. Everything else could wait.
-
Deafening silence pervaded in today’s shoot, the air filled with tension so thick and dense it could be cut with a knife.
“This wretched world… It all deserves to die!... Die, die, die!”
Benedikta exhaled one last time, her throat raw and dry while her lungs burned out of breath. She didn’t realize that angry tears had already streamed down her face when the director called it a wrap, not even hearing that because of how badly her ears rang. She wasn’t one to go overboard on emotional acting in normal circumstances, but this particular role proved to be so intense and challenging that she had to dig deeper within her mental and emotional reserves to deliver a good performance.
She only snapped out of it when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Cidolfus, her co-star, was concerned as ever; he hadn’t seemed to mind when she’d injured his face in a previous action scene they had done just a while back. Behind him was Clive, the lead actor, and Chirada, her assistant, with a bottle of cold water. Benedikta immediately reached for the bottle and took several gulps to relieve her parched throat, careful not to ruin her makeup in the process.
“Thanks, Cidolfus,” she murmured weakly, nodding with a tired smile. “You, too, Clive. Good luck with your scenes.”
Her two co-stars nodded back reassuringly before taking their leave, leaving her alone with Chirada. “Hey, Benna. You okay?”
“I’d like to say I’ve never been better, but my body’s telling me otherwise,” Benna sighed, feeling herself shed off the skin of Benedikta for a while—just for a few minutes while she recharged. She’s already filmed most of her scenes by now, but she knew she was far from done; there’s some possible re-shoots, post-production matters, then pre-release events and activities, all before the movie premiere. Nothing she wasn’t used to by this time, but thinking of all the upcoming hustle and bustle she would have to deal with always gave her a headache.
“Tylenol?” Chirada offered, standing up to leave, but Benna waved a no. “I’ll be fine. Let’s just go to the back.”
Benna and Chirada sat together at the foot of her trailer, where they had a decent vantage point of the shooting of the next scene. Clive was braving the blasts of wind from multiple industrial fans, demanding who the mysterious hooded man was. They could hardly hear what exactly was being said from where they were, but Benna knew the script by heart; the story was dark and heartbreaking yet compelling enough to keep her hooked.
A set of approaching footsteps broke her concentration. Jote padded towards them in muddy boots, her hands clasped shyly behind her. “Hello, Miss Harman. I was wondering if I could watch with you from here?”
“Absolutely,” Benna brightened at once, she and Chirada scooting over to a side to give Jote space. Jote gratefully sat beside Benna, smiling thinly before directing her attention toward the ongoing scene. The way she acted now reminded Benna of what she herself was like back when she first started out: a little eager yet also unsure of where and how to grow in her craft. The truth was, one never really outgrew that feeling for life, and it was that same uncertainty that actually kept them grounded to reality and drove them to move onward, wherever the road for them led.
It was Cidolfus who had taught her that back then, and Benna had indeed grown in more ways than one. In a way, she missed some parts of her old self, but she couldn’t really say she regretted the kind of person she became now, if it meant having all these meaningful encounters and realizations along the way.
Benna smiled to herself, a little content for now. Jote looked up at her questioningly. “What is it, Miss Harman?”
“It’s nothing. Have you had your shoulder looked at?”
“I have, thank you. The doctor said it was only a little sore and that I just needed rest.”
“Then rest as much as you need,” Benna patted Jote’s good shoulder encouragingly. “You still have scenes with Margrace, don’t you? Any physical ones?”
Chirada snorted into her water first before Jote could answer. Jote quickly shook her head, perhaps a little more forcefully than she had intended. Her cheeks and ears were a light shade of pink, and Benna laughed softly, realizing the probable double-meaning her question carried. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. But I do mean what I said earlier.
“This… career we chose, it has its ups and downs. We know the best and worst of both worlds, and we often find ourselves at different kinds of crossroads.” Benna considered her words a little more, resisting the urge to dial back like the old her would, but shook her head lightly. “I guess all I’m saying is, trust in the process? Also, never hesitate to ask for help when you need it.”
“Just lean on your co-stars,” Cidolfus had told her once. “You’ve got each other’s backs.”
The fire in Jote’s eyes burned a little brighter after Benna had said her piece—it was as if she was seeing a Phoenix itself come to life before her. A great metaphor for Jote’s debut film role, if she could say so herself, but that would only break the sentimental moment they had going now.
“Thank you, Miss Harman,” Jote nodded, just as the director called “Cut” from afar. The three of them stood up at once to prepare to rejoin the rest of the group on set. “I’ll definitely keep your advice to heart. You’re very kind.”
Benna stopped short at the remark, all while Jote nodded farewell and went on ahead of them. Chirada was slyly fanning a cardboard folder into Benna’s face, giggling in amusement. “The lady killer strikes again, I see. How many fangirls have you collected now, again?”
“Quiet, you,” Benedikta muttered, becoming the actress once again. She still kept a smile to herself, though, happy for smaller moments like these in between the big and emotional ones. They always kept her going, for better or worse.
-
Today was yet another day off, and Benna decided to get some writing done while she had time and was in the right headspace. She’d had this novella ongoing since she started shooting for this project, getting inspiration from some aspects of its story to incorporate in her own plot. It was just a little passion project, really, but Benna liked to work on it whenever she could to take her mind off things.
Each of the cast members processed their feelings after shooting their parts in different ways. Most went home to spend time with their loved ones; others went partying or on vacation. Even the writers and other staff were planning to not touch this project for a long while after it’s finally released. At this point, everyone pretty much agreed that the film had taken a huge toll on most of their mental health in one way or another, as amazing of a project as it had been.
In any case, today was not suited for such drab thoughts. She was going to get these late-night scribbles down on a document after today, and just the thought was exciting enough to recharge her at once. Suparna was already excited to read the new chapters, and had been pestering her repeatedly on Discorde for a while now to do beta work and get her thoughts in as soon as she could. Benna really lucked out having been assigned such a passionate and amazing partner for that Big Bang event from God knows how long now; they’ve remained in constant communication since then, even after having grown out of writing fan fiction and venturing into their own separate life paths.
Suparna was one of the few people in her life Benna had revealed her real identity to; she was not the kind of person who’d use the information inappropriately for her own gain at all. Occasionally she’d get links to articles reviewing her film and TV projects in her DMs, followed by an assortment of emoji that reflected Suparna’s own thoughts on the matter. Sometimes it was Suparna herself who’d written some of those reviews; she’d gotten a job as an entertainment column writer some months back, and was always honest and transparent in sharing her thoughts on a work, which both Benna and Benedikta always appreciated and took to heart.
Jella called out Benna’s name just then. “Peppermint tea and a double chocolate chip cookie,” she repeated the order, gently pushing forward the tray towards her. “Enjoy your day, Benna.”
“Thank you always, Jella.” It had been months since that rainy morning, yet Jella seemed to have been taking it all in stride, hiding whatever fangirlish feelings she probably had beneath a casual facade, unlike her previous coworker, who had apparently been reassigned to the evening shift. “Word was that she got a crush on two guys who ordered from her when she covered the dinner shift once,” Jella had related conspiratorially then. “She didn’t care that they were actually boyfriends, just that they were impressive enough eye candy for her to leave the sunrise shift and me behind.”
Benna had half a mind to feel sorry for Jella’s apparent misfortune, but the girl in question didn’t actually seem to mind despite her complaining. If anything, she now had Benedikta—no, Benna—all to herself, so it was actually a win for her, more than anything. It wasn’t like anything was going to come out of it even if either of them tried anything at this point, so best to leave it at that. They both had more important things to focus on, after all.
Like writing, Benna decided with a determined sigh. She took a sip of her freshly brewed tea and gently cracked her fingers. Time to get typing.
Around two-thirds of the chapter had been drafted by the time Benna finished her first cup of tea. She went back to the counter to ask for hot water to steep her tea bag in, as well as for a paper towel to clean up the crumbs of cookies that had fallen off the plate.
She ended up in line behind an older guy, waiting for Jella to finish taking their orders. Benna couldn’t help but notice how familiar he looked. She just knew she’d seen him somewhere before, but just couldn’t put her finger into it.
“Here’s your card back,” Jella said brightly, her small barrettes bobbing over her hair as she nodded. “We’ll call you when your order’s ready. Thank you for your patience.”
The customer nodded curtly and left the line. His eyes briefly met Benna’s as he did, and that instantly jogged her memory at once. “Barnabas?! What are you doing here?”
Barnabas Tharmr, A-list actor and most eligible celebrity bachelor of the decade, blinked back at the mention of his name, before recognizing the voice that had uttered it. “Oh, Benedikta. Surprised to see you here, too. How are you?”
More like, how was she not, after how their most recent project together—yes, that one—had put them both in that kind of scene at a pivotal moment in the story. While they had both played their parts professionally, of course, the media circus that was sure to hound them once it’s fully revealed will add to a growing pile of headaches for her. Rumors of possible romances did not really affect Barnabas, who probably enjoyed them with a cup of coffee over breakfast, but Benedikta couldn’t possibly deal with those kinds of things at this point in her career. Not now yet, at least.
Benna was not about to let her mask slip, though; he was still technically her senior at work, so she had to be nice, and definitely not nervous at all. “I’ve been great, thank you. What about you?”
“Recuperating, as it were,” Barnabas shrugged casually, relaxing a little more at the mention of R&R. “I didn’t know you lived around here.”
“Sort of. I come here often on my early morning jogs. They serve good coffee.”
“So I heard.” Barnabas looked around the cafe’s interior, pleasantly impressed at the simple, rustic decor and the overall ambiance it held. “Sleipnir had been here once, and had always wanted to come back, but he’s been busy.”
“I see.” Benna discreetly studied Barnabas while he turned back toward the counter, watching as Jella prepared his order. He, too, disguised himself today, wearing a pair of tinted glasses, a dark brown blazer over a white round neck shirt, fitted dark jeans and loafers. He had a noticeable stubble and overly-mussed hair that he probably hadn’t combed in days. The overall sight almost made Benna laugh, had she not caught herself in time, but Barnabas had noticed anyway and questioned her with a raised eyebrow. Benna shook her head in response, smiling.
Now there’s a feeling she found interesting. She wouldn’t call it a crush like everyone else, but there was definitely something nice about it that she was willing to keep around for a while. Life was too short to stay serious all the time, after all.
“Double espresso to go for Harvey,” Jella called out as she brought Barnabas’ order to the counter. She hadn’t seemed to hear Benna call Barnabas by his real name, which was a good thing. “Oh, Benna. I didn’t know you and him knew each other.”
“From work, yes,” Benna answered for both of them. No need to let slip anything else from their corner of the world. She turned to Barnabas, offering an outstretched hand. “It was nice seeing you around, Harvey. Send your partner my regards.”
“Will do. Same for you.” Barnabas shook her hand gently, his own lingering a moment longer than Benna had expected before it was promptly withdrawn. He took his coffee from Jella, nodding in thanks as he opened the cup slightly and took a deep inhale. “This smells heavenly. I’ll be sure to come back.”
Jella beamed at the praise, bowing repeatedly as Barnabas left the cafe. Benna watched the eager display with amusement, wondering if maybe he and Jella made a better pair after all. When that was over, Benna proceeded to get the hot water and towel she came to the counter for, and returned to her table.
Suparna was already online when Benna checked her laptop. “This looks great so far. Can’t wait for the rest.” Benna smiled at the feedback, but her mind was already elsewhere. She saved her open document file and exited the program, switching back to her Discorde window.
“About that, I have a new idea I’d like to run by you. A romcom. I know you don’t read them as much as Chirada, but hear me out on this one.”
If the barrage of all caps and multiple exclamation points were of any indication, Benna was certain that she had successfully gotten Suparna hooked and on board. Time to write a new story.
-
A collective “Ooooh!” echoed in the movie theater after the flashy battle between Bahamut and Ifrit Risen, some even bursting into short applause. Everyone savored the victorious moment after that scene, no doubt impressed by the elaborate CGI that had gone into it.
Benedikta marveled at the entire production, as well. It always felt amazing to see all the individual parts they had worked on over many months come together and become this beautiful work of art, and to witness firsthand people’s reactions as it unfolded before their eyes. This was one of the reasons she’d fallen in love with acting and filmmaking as an art, as well as a life path.
Beside her, Cidolfus merely smirked to himself, as if he had expected this much. He had been heavily involved with production matters behind the scenes as soon as he’d finished filming his parts. No doubt people would be talking about how he had managed both acting and directing at the same time, but then again, he was Cidolfus. What could he not do?
Barnabas was a little more stoic, no doubt controlling himself for the sake of public image more than anything else. Benedikta felt a little sorry for him, to be honest; it must be hard being so visible, it left almost no room to breathe. She could only imagine how relieved he must probably have been that day they met at the cafe, when they had spoken as Harvey and Benna. She had only realized it later on, but the sly bastard had actually gone and used Sleipnir’s name when he ordered his coffee. And he definitely knew that she knew.
Benna softly hummed to herself; she now had blackmail material on him, not that she was going to abuse it for what it was worth. She was a good friend, after all.
On screen, Jote silently wept as she wished Margrace a safe journey, having been left behind at the makeshift Hideaway where the main characters set up their home base. Her cheeks were a light shade of red, and probably not just from the crying. Benna wondered to herself if there had been any sort of development between those two after she and Jote had previously spoken. A shame Benedikta’s scenes were finished first before the rest, so she had no chance of finding out. She decided to ask Jote about it later after the film.
They were going to have a cast and crew party later after the premiere, so Benedikta would still have to go around and greet people for a few more hours. More of the usual. That in itself wasn’t so bad, since she would have a chance to catch up with her other co-stars outside the constrained setting of filming and production. She was definitely looking forward to going home and sleeping for a full day or two after this, though. Benna earned her rest, and she sure as heck more than deserved it.
